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medication
Dealing with medications has been the scariest part of this journey. A close family member spent a significant amount of time in psychiatric wards and my memories of his times there and the effects of the early anti-psychotics on him kept me from ever wanting to take medication or consulting a physician. Fear of medication was also a part of the OCD, so the anxiety inherent in that would complicate matters more.
It took a long time, a lot of research and several doctors until I was resolved to take the medications. When I did, I started with a mood stabilizer, lithium. This choice itself is interesting because it is the gold standard medication for bipolar disorder. Perhaps due to the fact that there is a genetic predisposition to bipolar disorder in my family, this medication served me well. My depressions are often very cyclical, sometimes with rapid ups and downs, and this is something that is now being considered by many to be a part of a bipolar spectrum. Although it is arguable as to whether I have a true bipolar disorder, my depression responded to lithium so we held onto it.
The scenario for choosing lithium was that I had been seeing an insightful psychiatrist who realized that my fear of medication was overwhelming. One day, I read an article about how research into lithium is indicating that it may have some healthful benefits to the brain. I also knew that it seemed the most "natural" medication as it is basically a salt. And so when I asked to try it, she agreed and within a short period of time, I began to feel positive results. But the lithium did not resolve my anxiety and so with lots of research and discussion, my doctor added Effexor, which, in combination with the Lithium, made a huge difference for me.
Later, due to the impact of a very stressful work environment and a serious back injury, I required more medication and higher doses in order to stabilize my mood and reduce my anxiety. This included the addition of lamotrigine, a novel anti-epileptic medication that is also used as a mood stabilizer.
does it work?
From the start of the explorations with lithium, I felt like I had walked into a completely new world. For the first time in my life since my early teens, I felt what it was like to be free of depression, obsession and anxiety and it felt miraculous!
At first, it was a big adjustment because I was used to struggling against constant fatigue. Because I no longer had to struggle against this obstacle, I found myself feeling more forceful, having developed the "muscle" to keep myself moving against the constant waves of exhaustion. At first, it seemed that I didn't know my own strength. I had to learn to dial it back a bit.
I also found that I literally came to my senses. I felt like I came out from under a blanket and suddenly could really feel the breeze on my skin, enjoy the smells and tastes of life and the beautiful blue of the sky.
My anxiety disorder has remained relatively stable and manageable but my mood is still rather vulnerable and I assume it will always be that way. I must continue to be vigilant to take care of myself and know what my limits are. Medications will definitely help me but I really have to work with life in a way that keeps me balanced by way of many different approaches.
side effects
The earliest and most constant side effect of medications is how they have affected my sleep patterns. I have needed to balance the effects of these medications and therefore I take some medication for sleep as well. While I'm not always pleased with this because I'd rather have a sleep pattern that doesn't require medication, I am more than willing to accept this situation in light of the benefits I have derived. Certainly, it is possible that if I tried other anti-depressants/mood stabilizers, I might come upon a combination that is less stimulating. But my response to these drugs has been such that I'd rather not mess with success.
A crucial part of my journey with meds has been the the role of my physicians. I have great confidence in my doctors because they have showed me that they respect my opinions and would never force any form of treatment on me. I feel like we can work together as a team to solve any problems that might arise and that they will respect my needs and choices as long as they are not seen as being harmful. In turn, I consult their expertise and knowledge so as to make more informed decisions.
The key to working with medications is to be patient and let the meds do their job in order to ascertain whether they are the right ones and at the right dosage for you. It took a long time for me to decide that medications would be a right choice for me and I'm glad I waited for the right doctor to come along with whom I could make that decision.
I would caution people against going with a physician that seems too eager to put their patient on medications before making sure that there aren't other modes of treatment that could assist them. I think that we still live in a society that over-medicates when other solutions would be more effective in the long-run. However, that being said, when medications are the solution of choice, I would definately suggest that you educate yourself about what the drugs are and what they do as well as what side-effects they can cause. There are many sites online where consumers share information about their experiences of medications. One of my favourites is www.remedyfind.com.
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While this website deals with issues and information about mental health please be advised that the author is not a mental health or medical professional. The information herein is in no way intended to be used as a substitute for professional guidance and the author cannot be held responsible for any choices you may make based upon the information contained in this website.
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