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ocd: thoughts
Imagine you are sitting having coffee with your favourite friend across the table from you at some cafe. You are in the middle of a conversation and listening to your friend say something when suddenly you see a very clear mental image pop into your head of you thowing your cup of hot coffee all over your friend. The thought is there and gone in an instant but it frightens you. Why is it there? A few minutes pass and then it appears again. You start to become afraid of your thoughts but also about the possiblity that you have some kind of dangerous impulse in you. After all, if you can think it, you can do it. You question yourself: Do I have some kind of buried anger towards my friend? Was there something they said that offended me? Am I an angry person? You try to stay focussed, you don't want your friend to know what just happened in your mind. But the harder you try to not think about it, the more nervous you become. Then it happens again and then again.
You are standing in the kitchen with a loved one when suddenly you have an intense and clear image of you grabbing a knife and stabbing them to death. This thought comes out of nowhere and you cannot figure out why it occured to you. You analyze it but it just doesn't make sense. The thought keeps occuring each time you are in the kitchen. Gradually, you avoid being there if at all possible, knowing that the image will come back, knowing you do not understand its meaning or nature but that you are afraid you might stab someone.
My intrusive thoughts have included those mentioned above as well as some with self-harm. For much time, I tried to therapeutically source where this was coming from. A repressed sense of anger? A hostility or agression I have repressed? Perhaps an early childhood abuse. But I can't tell you the relief I felt when I finally read about intrusive OCD thoughts. Now, knowing what these thoughts are, it is possible for me to let them just pass and not "take it personally" or worry that I will actually act on them.
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While this website deals with issues and information about mental health please be advised that the author is not a mental health or medical professional. The information herein is in no way intended to be used as a substitute for professional guidance and the author cannot be held responsible for any choices you may make based upon the information contained in this website.
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