Why does it matter what causes mental illness? Why even question what the definition of mental illness is?

Because I suffer and want that suffering to end. Because I want to be happy and if I am able to identify the cause, then perhaps I can stop the suffering and find that happiness I somehow know is there, behind the clouds of illness. It is as if there is a kind of gyroscope within me that has always known a better life. It reaches out to that life in spite of discouragements again and again to reach for something more.

As far as I can tell, the causative factors of mental illness in my life have been a dance between biology and environment.

An example of environment is the bullying I received as a kid in school. Because I was smaller and more effeminate as a child and an adolescent, I was a perfect target for teasing, name calling and threats. This was a daily occurance and it conditioned within me a sense of extreme anxiety and self-consciousness. That teasing caused depression in me as well as I had to try and stomach facing another day of persecution.

At the same time, before any bullying took place, I showed all the classic signs of early childhood anxiety. The slightest change could bring me to tears. I clung to home and my mother from a very young age, making it impossible for me to attend nursery school. In kindergarten, I cried and was physically sick each day in response to being away from home.

Even before the bullying, I would worry each night about how I would go to school and face the anxiety of being in class around other people and away from home. I suffered from insomnia at an early age and had to use sleeping medication for a period of time.

Statistics show that if kids display signs of serious anxiety disorders, they are extremely vulnerable to other problems like depression and addiction and in my situation, chronic anxiety led to depression at an early age.

I originally saw my depression and anxiety as caused by my environment only. It was not difficult for me to see how the world of humans, with the inequity and harm we cause, can easily drive people mad. Years of therapy did uncover behavioural factors in my family that contributed to my mental illness but the intensity of my reactions as a child seemed very high. Is there the possibility of early childhood trauma that is still buried in my unconscious? Absolutely. But for now, I cannot source that information if it exists. I can say that both my parents suffered mood disorders and one of them also had OCD. Whether their behaviour was more of an influence than their chemistry is not clear to me.

Over many years, as I sorted through the environmental issues through therapy, reading, support of friends and family and journaling, I came to see that like it or not, my "wiring" was now set up for mood and anxiety disorders, even if it did not start that way. I cannot prove this but I think that I had both genetic and enviromental factors at play in my life and so had to treat both.

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While this website deals with issues and information about mental health please be advised that the author is not a mental health or medical professional. The information herein is in no way intended to be used as a substitute for professional guidance and the author cannot be held responsible for any choices you may make based upon the information contained in this website.